Personal

When I started writing this blog, I never wanted to get too deep into myself. I don’t mind sharing my own experiences and the emotions behind them, but there are some things that reveal themselves while writing that I realize is a little deeper seeded than I’d known. Yesterday, I started writing a blog on something I thought was a simple observation, then realized it was much deeper than that.

The line between what’s personal and what’s private is not always well defined. My year last year, with my wife’s health struggles, was very personal, and the emotions were all over the place, but I actually felt a need to share it. Not only was it a release to a lot of internal pressures on me, but it also allowed my wife a glimpse into my mindset. To a degree, it was kind of like getting ready to go to the pool. You know what you’re in for. You know exactly how much of you will be exposed, and you know most of the other people around you will be equally exposed.

The private stuff is weird. I wouldn’t say the things I wrote were any more or less than my feelings of last year, but I just wasn’t prepared for them. I’d equate that to a dream about going to work or school in your underwear. You’d expose yourself just as much as if you’d gone swimming. It’s just the situation and lack of preparation. That’s how I felt as I was writing. Suddenly, words were coming out that exposed a deeper feeling I hadn’t realized (or kinda had on a different scope) I was having.

I think I’ve mentioned how writing helps me process a lot of feelings. It has been great for my mental state. This has been the first moment I was clearly writing about something deeper than I’d realized. I mean, it began with a realization I was the only dad with their kids sitting in a cafeteria full of moms and turned into a much deeper emotion.

I think underwear and swimsuits are perfect symbols of personal and private. They both cover nearly the same amount of your body, but one you wear expecting to share, the other you wear not to share. Two items, nearly identical, yet represent two sides.