The Crux

Honestly, life would be easier without writing. There are so many things I could do with my time that would be relaxing and less mentally taxing. I wouldn’t have to feel this aching guilt at the back of my mind reminding me I’ve failed to complete my quota for the week. I won’t hear that “you missed Sunday” in the back of my head. Yet, I do, and it has nothing to do with writing being a requirement or a task to be completed.

Today I was mowing the lawn, as you do, and while I was mowing I was thinking, as you do. I was pretty frustrated with myself for missing out on doing a Sunday post, but that wasn’t my primary thought. You see, for many weeks, as I’ve been less consistent with my blogs, the thought has crossed my mind on how much writing might be taking away from my daily life. Am I missing out on other joyful things because of the desire to write?

This was the thought that crept up mid mowing. Did I need to be angry with my lack of ability to write or can I just let it go? My answer was so simple it was kind of annoying.

I love to write. I wasn’t annoyed with not keeping to a schedule. I was annoyed that I didn’t get to spend some time with an idea. My Sunday sessions usually start with some random obscure idea I get to dig into and then write my thoughts about. I get a lot of joy out of those Sunday sessions. I didn’t realize how much joy until mowing the lawn.

Annoyed wouldn’t be the right word. I longed for writing. We’ve had a bit of craziness because my wife lost her phone and we needed a replacement and I found myself running around town trying to replace it. That was important. This is probably a bit of a problem, but here it goes, I have a bit of an addiction to immediate contact with my wife. I don’t need her to text me right back or answer all my calls, but the idea that she can’t give me a bit of anxiety. An example is being at the store getting her a phone, with every delay I thought, “let me just text her and let her know”, followed immediately by the realization I could not.

This is a similar feeling that I had with missing my Sunday blog, if you can believe it. It wasn’t that it’s a requirement by any means of the word, just like my wife isn’t required to have a phone at all times. It’s the thought that I want that connection however unused it is. I like being connected to my wife at all times, I also like being connected with my writing and for me the Sunday blog is a major part of that connection.

A weird parallel for a weird week.